bonerfart:

Me: my son is so tiny i must have the tiniest son in the world

Doctor: this is a regular sized baby, i don’t think you understand how babies work

Me: I love my tiny son

humoristics:

A guy once told my lesbian friend that being a lesbian is a huge turn off for guys and that she’ll never find a boyfriend.

illeg-al:

tip of the day don’t vacuum with ear phones in because i just finished vacuuming the whole house only to realise it wasn’t even on

deansass:

my teacher sent a student home today because the student had had an anxiety attack earlier in the morning and she said “if you have a broken bone, you don’t just keep walking on it and damaging it more, you treat it. Your mental health is the same. Health then school.” 


stay-f0r-awhile:

this is actually the cutest thing i’ve ever seen